Collaborative Divorce Coaching
Many people equate coaching with Counselling saying, "there's nothing wrong with me, so why should I see a Divorce Coach?" It's true you may not need counselling so much as someone who can help you be at your best through one of the most stressful and anxiety provoking times in your life. You will be making some of the biggest decisions of your life for yourself and your children, don't you want to be at your best?
Even world class athletes need coaching to stay on top of their game.
It's important for you to be "on top of your game" too, as you make some of the most important decisions of your life for you and your children!
What I bring is expertise in understanding relationships and family emotional process.
I am also familiar with process of emotionally "uncoupling" and the stages of divorce.
This means not only dealing with the sense of loss, the pain and anger if you're not the one initiating the divorce, but also if you're the one leaving the relationship how to move on in a thoughtful manner.
While your relationship ends, your children's sense of family continues on. This is the only family they will have and, as parents, it's your job to safeguard that.
This is the time and place where a vision for the future of the family is forged.
The Collaborative process is a particular model of working with people. It is an approach that is different than mediation since most often it is a two coach model, and, as well, the positioning of the professionals is different in terms of what they do. The hallmark of the Collaborative process is the "Participation Agreement" that is signed at the first 4-way meeting and it safeguards each persons participation. Most often both parties have a coach that works with them. One or two individual meetings take place to prepare for 4-way meetings where both parties and their coaches sit down to talk through the issues. Most of the work happens in the 4-way meetings. The coaches task is the help keep the process on task, to keep the communication clear and non-conflictual, to help set goals for the parties, to help with creating a parenting plan as well as work through any issues that are creating logjams at the legal level. Perhaps most of all it is to support you through the process so that both of you and your children have as smooth a transition as possible from one household to two.
On occasion only one coach is used. Sometimes only one spouse needs or wants support and there are no 4-ways. On some occasions one coach is used in a 3-way approach, however the Vancouver group recommends a two coach approach.
I do work with people who are not in a Collaborative process.
A litigation process does not have a "participation agreement," but I do use an agreement
which assures you "without prejudice" conversations meaning that what we talk about can't be used later in court.
As a Divorce Coach I will help you:
- communicate more clearly with your spouse
- stay on track during the divorce process
- deal with the stress
- foster good will and respect
- articulate what your needs and wants are
- resolve conflicts and develop conflict resolution skills
- collaborate on and create a parenting plan
- build a positive co-parenting relationship
- minimize misunderstanding and conflict in your ongoing co-parenting relationship